I began writing about my life three years ago. I’m not certain what triggered it, but for some reason I noticed how much time had gone by. I don’t have any grey hair or prominent wrinkles, but I have aged. Then I felt, as I now feel, desperate to capture as many memories of my life as I can recall. Internally, there’s a strong desire to document my experiences. Partly, this has to do with some inhibition I have to remember every minute detail of my childhood.
The other half is merely because I want to. I have pages of memories that are in no particular order. I guess an outline prior to writing a memoir would’ve been useful, but I didn’t consider it at the time. After I wrote the first line, which tells who I am, almost immediately I was flooded with a rush of words to type. In thinking about what to include in the memoir, I want to share everything. I have so many memories of my life so far. But if I told it all, the book would probably turn out too long and perhaps boring.
There’s a definite chance that I will include memories of where I grew up and the three states I’ve lived in: Illinois, Indiana, and Arizona. Pictures trigger memories that I’ve forgotten about and although images capture a specific moment, they encourage my thoughts to stretch far beyond who/what I see in them. There’s a Chinese restaurant I pass each morning on the way to work.
Each time I do this, I’m reminded that I need to go inside, not to eat, but to look at the layout. I’d like to see if it has changed at all. The exterior looks worn and over twenty years have passed since I was there. Last month while writing for Book in a Week, I thought about how to organize the chapters in my memoir. It was the first time I had done this and it helped me to focus on the subject so that I only wrote about events/details pertaining to it.
The things I’ve dealt with in life have shaped who I am today. I like reflecting on it all; although, some memories bolster a huge amount of pain. They make these brown eyes rain. I cringe at the thought of writing death’s chapter. It will force me to relive sad events. Dealing with loss is difficult. The memoir serves as self-acknowledgement of my life’s journey. I hope that one day I will publish this work to share with you.
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